Pfantasy Pfriday
As I have blabbered on about previously, I'm not completely on the "New ECW sucks" bandwagon. Sure, I despise watching Hardcore Holly and Test in "main events" as much as the next sane boredom-hating wrestling fan, but I think there's enough new and old talent on the ECW roster to make a decent little show. What does ECW need to save the day? Why, a good main event storyline, of course! And who who who has that covered? Aw, you guessed it. Your old buddy BJ.
We begin at the post-Royal Rumble episode of ECW on Sci-Fi where the champion Bobby Lashley comes to the ring and soaks in the adulation of the crowd. As he's about to speak of his victory over Test, some unexpected entrance music plays. Tommy Dreamer comes to the ring and looks at Lashley.
Dreamer: "For better or worse, the name Tommy Dreamer is and will always be associated with this company. As I travel across this country and this world, people in airports, hotels, bus stations, bars and restaurants see me and chant three letters at me: ECW! ECW! ECW!"
The crowd joins along with the "ECW" chant.
Dreamer continues: "So I guess you could say that I'm all there really is left of an 'ECW representative.' So on behalf of the boys in the back and all these rabid fans, I would like to shake the hand of the man who is going to carry ECW on his back into the future, the ECW world champion Bobby Lashley!"
Dreamer shakes and then raises Lashley's hand for a cheer from the crowd.
Dreamer: "Now, as I'm sure you're aware, ECW has quite a storied history. A lot of good men bled pints of blood in the most extreme matches imaginable. And history is important. So as the chosen one who is going to lead ECW into the future, I just have one little request."
Dreamer steps outside the ring, reaches under the apron and pulls out a singapore cane and says, "Unfortunately, you weren't around for the glory days of ECW when things were at their most extreme. But I thought it might be fun to revive a little something we used to do back in the bingo halls called the extreme initiation. One shot across the back with this singapore and you and I are brothers in extreme. What do you say?"
Lashley looks at Dreamer, unsure. Dreamer says, "Come on, it's not that bad. I'll tell you what - you go first." Dreamer tosses the singapore cane to Lashley and turns his back. Cane in hand, Lashley is reluctant. He looks at the crowd. Should he do it?
Dreamer: "Come on, Lashley. Don't be shy. I can take it. Just lay one across the back. I'll be insulted if you don't do it."
Lashley still isn't sure. He doesn't look like he wants to do it.
Suddenly serious, Dreamer turns on him: "Lashley, are you hardcore or not? Be a man and hit me!" Pushed into a corner, Lashley shrugs and goes for it. He lines Dreamer up and corks him across the back.
Dreamer winces and jumps around in pain, but smiles at Lashley. Dreamer: "Ouch, that smarts. You're a big boy, huh? What do you think - is Lashley extreme enough to be ECW champion?" The crowd cheers.
Dreamer: "Okay, my turn."
Lashley shrugs and hands Dreamer the cane. Dreamer gives him a big smile. Unsure, Lashley turns his back on Dreamer.
As soon as Lashley's back is turned, Dreamer's smile turns into a vicious sneer. He charges Lashley and hits him 10, 15, 20 times, knocking him to the ground. With Lashley out of commission, Dreamer struts around the ring, reveling in the boos of the crowd. Joey Styles: "What the hell is Tommy Dreamer doing?"
But what's this - Lashley is back on his feet. Dreamer charges Lashley only to be met with an explosive spinebuster. On his back, Dreamer tries to slink away, but Lashley stalks him and gets his hands around Dreamer's neck.
Just as he's about to exact his revenge, Sabu, Ballz Mahoney and The Sandman run through the crowd and hit the ring. They attack Lashley with fists, elbows and weapons. He puts up a valiant fight against his four hardcore assailants, but the numbers turn out to be too much for him. He is hit with chairs, singapore canes and finally thrown through a table.
As the ECW champion lays in a bloody heap in the middle of the ring, the four ECW originals stand in the ring in defiance. As we go off the air, Joey Styles says, "Tazz, I have a feeling things are about to get very hardcore."
ECW on Sci-Fi - The following week...
After showing highlight's from last week's beatdown, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Ballz Mahoney and the Sandman come through the audience down to the ring from four different directions. They stand in the ring as their spokesman Dreamer takes the mic.
Dreamer: "To quote an old friend of mine, the Tribe of Extreme has risen. It took us a little while, but the ECW originals have finally banded together and stepped up to take back what is rightfully ours - the heart and soul of ECW. You see, ECW doesn't belong to guys like Bobby Lashley. Genetic freaks with great physiques. Guys like Lashley are born with all the athletic gifts in the world. No, ECW belongs to the blue collar misfits that aren't quite right in the head. ECW belongs to men like Sabu, Ballz Mahoney, the Sandman and Tommy Dreamer.
Since ECW started up again, the four of us have been faced with disappointment after disappointment. We were kept around to provide street cred while other 'blue chippers' like Bobby Lashley were given all of our opportunities. But do you know who we're most disappointed in? You - the ECW fans. You cheer for people like Bobby Lashley. You dare chant his name and what's worse, you chant "ECW" at him.
You know what? From this moment on, we the Tribe of Extreme forbid every last one of you to chant the letters ECW."
The crowd boos and chants "ECW," irritating the heels in the ring.
Dreamer: "Stop it! Stop chanting! You don't deserve it! You have all forgot what the spirit of ECW is all about. Well, the Tribe of Extreme are going to remind you. If you thought last week's extreme initiation was bad, wait until you see what we've got planned for your ECW world champion next. Lashley, the Tribe of Extreme is about to commit acts that you've only seen in your worst nightmares."
Defiantly, the Tribe of Extreme celebrates in the ring while the pissed off crowd chants "ECW," much to their displeasure. Joey Styles: "What is wrong with these guys?"
Here's why this little scenario works for me: first off, you take advantage of four talented veterans who aren't being used all that well right now. Secondly, while Lashley could beat each one of them individually, they have not only the numbers game on him, but the experience advantage in extreme matches. The hero has to be in real danger of losing for it to be compelling storytelling. Finally, it's based in reality - the old ECW fans are pissed. They tried somewhat in the beginning of ECW to make the originals the good guys. Now let's see how they work as the heels.
But what happens next? Rest easy, kittens. Stay tuned - this storyline gets even more interesting, culminating in the most important match in ECW history at WrestleMania 23.
We begin at the post-Royal Rumble episode of ECW on Sci-Fi where the champion Bobby Lashley comes to the ring and soaks in the adulation of the crowd. As he's about to speak of his victory over Test, some unexpected entrance music plays. Tommy Dreamer comes to the ring and looks at Lashley.
Dreamer: "For better or worse, the name Tommy Dreamer is and will always be associated with this company. As I travel across this country and this world, people in airports, hotels, bus stations, bars and restaurants see me and chant three letters at me: ECW! ECW! ECW!"
The crowd joins along with the "ECW" chant.
Dreamer continues: "So I guess you could say that I'm all there really is left of an 'ECW representative.' So on behalf of the boys in the back and all these rabid fans, I would like to shake the hand of the man who is going to carry ECW on his back into the future, the ECW world champion Bobby Lashley!"
Dreamer shakes and then raises Lashley's hand for a cheer from the crowd.
Dreamer: "Now, as I'm sure you're aware, ECW has quite a storied history. A lot of good men bled pints of blood in the most extreme matches imaginable. And history is important. So as the chosen one who is going to lead ECW into the future, I just have one little request."
Dreamer steps outside the ring, reaches under the apron and pulls out a singapore cane and says, "Unfortunately, you weren't around for the glory days of ECW when things were at their most extreme. But I thought it might be fun to revive a little something we used to do back in the bingo halls called the extreme initiation. One shot across the back with this singapore and you and I are brothers in extreme. What do you say?"
Lashley looks at Dreamer, unsure. Dreamer says, "Come on, it's not that bad. I'll tell you what - you go first." Dreamer tosses the singapore cane to Lashley and turns his back. Cane in hand, Lashley is reluctant. He looks at the crowd. Should he do it?
Dreamer: "Come on, Lashley. Don't be shy. I can take it. Just lay one across the back. I'll be insulted if you don't do it."
Lashley still isn't sure. He doesn't look like he wants to do it.
Suddenly serious, Dreamer turns on him: "Lashley, are you hardcore or not? Be a man and hit me!" Pushed into a corner, Lashley shrugs and goes for it. He lines Dreamer up and corks him across the back.
Dreamer winces and jumps around in pain, but smiles at Lashley. Dreamer: "Ouch, that smarts. You're a big boy, huh? What do you think - is Lashley extreme enough to be ECW champion?" The crowd cheers.
Dreamer: "Okay, my turn."
Lashley shrugs and hands Dreamer the cane. Dreamer gives him a big smile. Unsure, Lashley turns his back on Dreamer.
As soon as Lashley's back is turned, Dreamer's smile turns into a vicious sneer. He charges Lashley and hits him 10, 15, 20 times, knocking him to the ground. With Lashley out of commission, Dreamer struts around the ring, reveling in the boos of the crowd. Joey Styles: "What the hell is Tommy Dreamer doing?"
But what's this - Lashley is back on his feet. Dreamer charges Lashley only to be met with an explosive spinebuster. On his back, Dreamer tries to slink away, but Lashley stalks him and gets his hands around Dreamer's neck.
Just as he's about to exact his revenge, Sabu, Ballz Mahoney and The Sandman run through the crowd and hit the ring. They attack Lashley with fists, elbows and weapons. He puts up a valiant fight against his four hardcore assailants, but the numbers turn out to be too much for him. He is hit with chairs, singapore canes and finally thrown through a table.
As the ECW champion lays in a bloody heap in the middle of the ring, the four ECW originals stand in the ring in defiance. As we go off the air, Joey Styles says, "Tazz, I have a feeling things are about to get very hardcore."
ECW on Sci-Fi - The following week...
After showing highlight's from last week's beatdown, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, Ballz Mahoney and the Sandman come through the audience down to the ring from four different directions. They stand in the ring as their spokesman Dreamer takes the mic.
Dreamer: "To quote an old friend of mine, the Tribe of Extreme has risen. It took us a little while, but the ECW originals have finally banded together and stepped up to take back what is rightfully ours - the heart and soul of ECW. You see, ECW doesn't belong to guys like Bobby Lashley. Genetic freaks with great physiques. Guys like Lashley are born with all the athletic gifts in the world. No, ECW belongs to the blue collar misfits that aren't quite right in the head. ECW belongs to men like Sabu, Ballz Mahoney, the Sandman and Tommy Dreamer.
Since ECW started up again, the four of us have been faced with disappointment after disappointment. We were kept around to provide street cred while other 'blue chippers' like Bobby Lashley were given all of our opportunities. But do you know who we're most disappointed in? You - the ECW fans. You cheer for people like Bobby Lashley. You dare chant his name and what's worse, you chant "ECW" at him.
You know what? From this moment on, we the Tribe of Extreme forbid every last one of you to chant the letters ECW."
The crowd boos and chants "ECW," irritating the heels in the ring.
Dreamer: "Stop it! Stop chanting! You don't deserve it! You have all forgot what the spirit of ECW is all about. Well, the Tribe of Extreme are going to remind you. If you thought last week's extreme initiation was bad, wait until you see what we've got planned for your ECW world champion next. Lashley, the Tribe of Extreme is about to commit acts that you've only seen in your worst nightmares."
Defiantly, the Tribe of Extreme celebrates in the ring while the pissed off crowd chants "ECW," much to their displeasure. Joey Styles: "What is wrong with these guys?"
Here's why this little scenario works for me: first off, you take advantage of four talented veterans who aren't being used all that well right now. Secondly, while Lashley could beat each one of them individually, they have not only the numbers game on him, but the experience advantage in extreme matches. The hero has to be in real danger of losing for it to be compelling storytelling. Finally, it's based in reality - the old ECW fans are pissed. They tried somewhat in the beginning of ECW to make the originals the good guys. Now let's see how they work as the heels.
But what happens next? Rest easy, kittens. Stay tuned - this storyline gets even more interesting, culminating in the most important match in ECW history at WrestleMania 23.
posted by BJ Boston at 2:11 PM
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