Pfantasy Pfriday
Before I start with with my pfirst Pfantasy Pfriday (brought to you by Pfizer), I want to draw your attention to a nifty little piece of fantasy booking over at my favorite site, 411 Wrestling - Mike LaFave books the breakup of the Spirit Squad and does a heck of a job. I probably won't get into as much detail as LaFave did, but blah blah blah - I promised you some fantasy booking, so here goes:
This is a little different, because it's a moot point now, but I had this idea when I heard that Test had been re-signed by WWE. In real life, Test had been badmouthing the WWE since his release in November 2004 because they released him while he was rehabbing from spinal fusion surgery - generally bad protocol in the wrestling world. In an out-of-character move for them, the WWE writing staff failed to make hay out of the real-life situation. Instead of just debuting with "Test is coming to ECW" vignettes and having him appear with no back story or fan interest, this is how I would have booked the return of Test...
It's three weeks away from the Great American Bash PPV and it's been months since we've seen the former world champion Batista on Smackdown. GM Teddy Long is in the ring to open the show.
Long: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a major announcement. The Great American Bash in three weeks live on pay-per-view will feature the return of the Animal, Batista!
(crowd pops)
Despite the severe injury to his shoulder, Batista has been working hard to rehab and has assured me that he will be ready to come to the Great American Bash and face the man who put him on the shelf for 6 months, the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry.
As Long talks about the PPV, he notices a disturbance in the crowd. Someone's coming to the ring - it's Test, dressed in street clothes. He hops over the barrier, grabs a microphone and gets in the ring to face Long.
Long: Test - what are you doing here? You don't work for WWE anymore.
Test: What did you call me?
Long: Test. I called you Test.
Test: Don't you ever call me Test again. That's the name that the WWE gave me so that they could make jokes about testicles and sell merchandise off my hard work. My name is Andrew Martin.
Long: Fine, Andrew Martin. What are you doing here? You don't work for WWE anymore.
Martin: That's right I don't work for WWE anymore. You want to know why? Two years ago, I broke my damn neck in this ring, entertaining all these ungrateful fans. When I was laid up in a hospital bet with my vertebrae fused, you know how the WWE showed their gratitude for all the years of me sacrificing my body? They fired my ass!
(crowd pops)
Long: Now hold on a second...
Martin: Don't you interrupt me! I don't work for you anymore. You have no power over me.
Long: I'm the general manager of Smackdown!
Martin: You're the general manager of crap! Now get out of the ring before I break your neck! I've got nothing to lose, Teddy - just go ahead... test me.
Long: We'll see about this.
As Long gets out of the ring and huffs to the back, Martin turns to the crowd and continues.
Martin: You people are blind. You don't see the double standard backstage. When I get injured, I get fired. But when the WWE's golden boy Batista gets injured, he gets to take his sweet time and come back when he feels like it and what's waiting for him? Fanfare. Cheers. A featured match at the Great American Bash. Why does he get special treatment? I'm just as good as Batista.
(crowd boos)
You don't believe me? I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to show Teddy Long and Vince McMahon and the WWE management and the world that the golden boy Batista is nothing compared to Andrew Martin.
Teddy Long reemerges from the back, this time with security in tow. As they remove Martin from the building, he yells at the fans "You'll see. You'll see."
In the weeks preceding the Great American Bash, Martin appears in the crowd, arguing with planted Batista fans, ripping up a Batista poster and shoving a young Batista fan to the ground after getting removed each time.
At the Great American Bash, Batista appears for the first time to face the man that injured him, Mark Henry (in real life, a Mark Henry injury caused Mr. Kennedy to replace him which would also work in this storyline - even better, in fact because I like Kennedy and hate Mark Henry). After a brutal match, Batista is poised for victory when - you guessed it - Martin appears from the crowd and levels Batista with a chair shot, delivering a victory to Mr. Kennedy.
In the weeks afterward (just as it happened on Smackdown), Batista tries to win rematches with Kennedy, but Martin interferes every time, giving Kennedy that "win streak over Batista" rub. Batista begs Teddy Long to re-hire Test and let him face him in the ring, which he finally does at Summerslam.
Well, that's really all I've got. I think it's a good little program that takes advantage of Martin's real-life feelings about his release to create a little heat. It also gives Smackdown a credible upper midcard heel to feud with Batista, Lashley, Mysterio and the Undertaker. And it give Batista a compelling enemy - something he hasn't had since HHH - and keeps him away from the world title until at least Survivor Series.
Anyway, I liked the idea. Too bad it's too late now. Maybe Vince should call me next time, the jerk.
This is a little different, because it's a moot point now, but I had this idea when I heard that Test had been re-signed by WWE. In real life, Test had been badmouthing the WWE since his release in November 2004 because they released him while he was rehabbing from spinal fusion surgery - generally bad protocol in the wrestling world. In an out-of-character move for them, the WWE writing staff failed to make hay out of the real-life situation. Instead of just debuting with "Test is coming to ECW" vignettes and having him appear with no back story or fan interest, this is how I would have booked the return of Test...
It's three weeks away from the Great American Bash PPV and it's been months since we've seen the former world champion Batista on Smackdown. GM Teddy Long is in the ring to open the show.
Long: Ladies and gentlemen, I have a major announcement. The Great American Bash in three weeks live on pay-per-view will feature the return of the Animal, Batista!
(crowd pops)
Despite the severe injury to his shoulder, Batista has been working hard to rehab and has assured me that he will be ready to come to the Great American Bash and face the man who put him on the shelf for 6 months, the World's Strongest Man, Mark Henry.
As Long talks about the PPV, he notices a disturbance in the crowd. Someone's coming to the ring - it's Test, dressed in street clothes. He hops over the barrier, grabs a microphone and gets in the ring to face Long.
Long: Test - what are you doing here? You don't work for WWE anymore.
Test: What did you call me?
Long: Test. I called you Test.
Test: Don't you ever call me Test again. That's the name that the WWE gave me so that they could make jokes about testicles and sell merchandise off my hard work. My name is Andrew Martin.
Long: Fine, Andrew Martin. What are you doing here? You don't work for WWE anymore.
Martin: That's right I don't work for WWE anymore. You want to know why? Two years ago, I broke my damn neck in this ring, entertaining all these ungrateful fans. When I was laid up in a hospital bet with my vertebrae fused, you know how the WWE showed their gratitude for all the years of me sacrificing my body? They fired my ass!
(crowd pops)
Long: Now hold on a second...
Martin: Don't you interrupt me! I don't work for you anymore. You have no power over me.
Long: I'm the general manager of Smackdown!
Martin: You're the general manager of crap! Now get out of the ring before I break your neck! I've got nothing to lose, Teddy - just go ahead... test me.
Long: We'll see about this.
As Long gets out of the ring and huffs to the back, Martin turns to the crowd and continues.
Martin: You people are blind. You don't see the double standard backstage. When I get injured, I get fired. But when the WWE's golden boy Batista gets injured, he gets to take his sweet time and come back when he feels like it and what's waiting for him? Fanfare. Cheers. A featured match at the Great American Bash. Why does he get special treatment? I'm just as good as Batista.
(crowd boos)
You don't believe me? I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to show Teddy Long and Vince McMahon and the WWE management and the world that the golden boy Batista is nothing compared to Andrew Martin.
Teddy Long reemerges from the back, this time with security in tow. As they remove Martin from the building, he yells at the fans "You'll see. You'll see."
In the weeks preceding the Great American Bash, Martin appears in the crowd, arguing with planted Batista fans, ripping up a Batista poster and shoving a young Batista fan to the ground after getting removed each time.
At the Great American Bash, Batista appears for the first time to face the man that injured him, Mark Henry (in real life, a Mark Henry injury caused Mr. Kennedy to replace him which would also work in this storyline - even better, in fact because I like Kennedy and hate Mark Henry). After a brutal match, Batista is poised for victory when - you guessed it - Martin appears from the crowd and levels Batista with a chair shot, delivering a victory to Mr. Kennedy.
In the weeks afterward (just as it happened on Smackdown), Batista tries to win rematches with Kennedy, but Martin interferes every time, giving Kennedy that "win streak over Batista" rub. Batista begs Teddy Long to re-hire Test and let him face him in the ring, which he finally does at Summerslam.
Well, that's really all I've got. I think it's a good little program that takes advantage of Martin's real-life feelings about his release to create a little heat. It also gives Smackdown a credible upper midcard heel to feud with Batista, Lashley, Mysterio and the Undertaker. And it give Batista a compelling enemy - something he hasn't had since HHH - and keeps him away from the world title until at least Survivor Series.
Anyway, I liked the idea. Too bad it's too late now. Maybe Vince should call me next time, the jerk.
posted by BJ Boston at 11:01 AM
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